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kangeiko in realreview

FIC: Glimpses (1/1)

Hi all,

I wrote this little ficlet a while back, and I'm rather fond of the premise, but I freely admit that it is quite quirky. I know what I wanted to do with it, but I don't think that I really got there, if you see what I mean. Anyway, some concrit would be really appreciated.

Many thanks!

*


Title: Glimpses
Author: kangeiko
Genre: Drama
Audience: [the Mature]
Pairing: Neville/f
Warnings: schoolgirl fetish
Length/Complete?: complete
Summary: Girls' school uniforms are terrible things.



Disclaimer: This story is based on characters and situations created and owned by JK Rowling, various publishers including but not limited to Bloomsbury Books, Scholastic Books and Raincoast Books, and Warner Bros., Inc. No money is being made and no copyright or trademark infringement is intended.
Notes:



Glimpses


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Girls' school uniforms are terrible things. Pleated skirts swing softly with each step, baring slices of skin and under-clothing, torturously designed so as to plague boys' dreams. The silly, close-fitting undergarments are in house colours, offering flashes of green and blue and gold and red whenever the girls take to their brooms. Only those on the Quidditch team have sports kit, after all; the rest wear their regular school clothing that somehow seem designed for torment. Knickershorts in primary colours; knee-high socks to draw the eye ever upwards; shapeless black jumpers that somehow find shapes to cling to by the third or fourth year of school; buttoned shirts that hint at all the unbuttoning that could occur – yes, girls' school uniforms are terrible things.

Neville thinks of his first flying lesson, when he fell and broke his wrist. He spent the next few lessons on the ground, watching mournfully as his classmates mounted school-issue broomsticks and took to the skies, socked feet kicking out beneath them. He remembers the swirl of black cloak beneath Hermione's form as she clutched her broomstick, ungracefully bringing it up to three feet above the ground. It took her several long minutes to convince it to move, finally gripping it tightly around the stem, pulling upwards in jerky movements. At that height, Neville could clearly see her mouth, "up! Up!"

A second later she was gone, spiralling upwards, a swirl of black with a slice of red between her socked feet. Her skirt, Neville saw, had swung open as she ascended, giving those below a clear view of her knickershorts.

It did not matter, of course. Knickershorts are as much a part of girls' school uniforms as their scarves or hair ribbons. Moreover, they are made to be seen; designed by some odd man centuries ago as torture instruments for little girls.

Ginny, for instance, had long bemoaned her hatred of the dratted things, of the way they dug into her flesh when on a broomstick or in class. It would be inappropriate for girls to wear bare undergarments beneath their pleated skirts for a Care of Magical Creatures lesson. What if they fell? What if their skirts rode up, or the wind blew past, or a creature became curious about those tempting, swinging pieces of pleated cloth? Scandalous, Neville's Gran used to say; they should make girls wear knickershorts all the time, what would happen if their robes were to be lifted?

Neville wonders what Gran would say to the sight of a dozen black-clad shapes rising into the air with a glimpse of Gryffindor red where their undergarments should be. He wonders what in Merlin's name the designer of those uniforms was thinking of, giving boys extra layers to hide mishaps and embarrassments, but to dress the girls in that; in those colours and those shapes.

There is a tradition of female Quidditch teachers at Hogwarts. They wear solid black jodhpurs, heavy boots, shin guards and thick vests.

It is a wise tradition, Neville thinks.

*

Years later, Neville wonders if this early childhood fetish has been inculcated in every single Gryffindor boy. Even those from other Houses appear to have trouble, their gazes sweeping upwards with alarming perspicacity whenever the first years had a flying lesson. Neville would have reprimanded the boys, of course, would have taken points and informed that their behaviour was inexcusable, but there is little he can do. The boys haunt the halls after class; eyes narrowed at the clutches of little girls that trip past, their skirts swinging. They know that Neville won't take points.

After all, he does the very same thing himself.

*

fin

Comments

I found no extreme problems with the writing. I liked the fast paced style of it -- as if Neville was quickly going over this in his mind, a little guilty, in case anyone would catch him doing it.

This is more like a Neville Rant than a story, which is fine. Any longer and you would have to put a bit of plot into it, incorporating all Neville's thoughts about knickershorts. lol , that would be funny.

... and odd. Neville would be the last you'd think would get all frisky, hehe. But, then it's always the quiet ones. ;)

With the structure: I liked that you included his Gran's opinions as well as his memories of the first time he got interested, and also the wondering about the history of the undergarments.

All in all, amusing :).
thank you. :)